Wow, for once,  I chose a pretty good layout....

Because when I came into my xanga page, the background totally cheered me up

Hahaha, I've just remembered the way always I used to talk about how much I don't write on Xanga for such long periods of time...I always say that, but that really doesn't change the way I come here so scarcely...hahaha

This time, I won't be talking about how it's been so long since the entry prior to the current one...

It's scary, I read all these things I wrote....and I tried to examine what I was like when I was a little younger than I am now....[If you just try to recall it through your memories, it's not very wise because it will most likely be inaccurate...so it's better to look at the actual tangible evidence...] and I tried to examine who I am in the present....

The difference, the gap between the 'Younger Me' and the 'Older Me', is quite astonishing.

Also, I realized, finally [lol], that I mumble to myself and drag on long, long sentences very frequently...haha...I apologize for that

I don't know how to put my thoughts, or my current feelings, into words...

I'm not sure what had caused such a separation between the 'old' me and the 'young' me, but I'm guessing - rather desperately hoping - that it was growth. Not just an ordinary change, but growth.

My parents noticed that I've changed, too, so I'm concluding that the change I have gone through was not an insignificant one.

Actually, I was talking to my mom the other day...and we were having a discussion about life in general...My mom made a comment, and I responded....and interestingly enough, she said back to me, "Wow, you're really grown up, haven't you? You surely have matured a lot."

I was somewhat frustrated when I heard her say that...not frustrated at my mom, but the way things work...

The way I responded to her, it was more out of bitter remorse and sarcasm rather than what I truly, really believed...because becoming older made me more cynical, bitter, and more selfish....actually, more adolescent-like...So I wondered at that moment....and I still marble at this thought right now...Is that what growing up means? Just becoming a bunch of pessimitic cynicists who are frustrated and bitter about their lives and everything else that goes on around them? Maturing would be, in a sense, hurting yourself and becoming sullen....yes?

No, of course not....that's not what it's all about.. I know that....

It's just frustrating how....one has to be hurt to be able to learn something....

but it's worth it....isn't it?....

Also, I just love - totally, absolutely, undeniably LOVE - the way life....no,not life...but the act of living provides you with only TWO choices when it comes to making new relationships:

# 1 - You may let someone in your life.

But - as everything that has a beginnng has an ending - the moment you let them in your life, you must acknowledge (and be prepared) for some form of segregation or ending of the relationship at some unknown point in time. Also, you will have happy moments, but there will be just as many sad moments.  

# 2 - You may not let someone in your life.

 But you will be more solitary. You will not be hurt by the sadness caused by the relationship, but neither will you experience any of the happiness caused by the relationship. Since there is no beginning, there is no ending, so there is no need to prepare for the departure of the person you let in.

It's similar to being asked.."Would you like to be killed with a knife or a gun?" and you can't say 'Neither'

I know that this entry is pretty depressing....but I've always been a pretty sad person, deep,deep inside...hahaha

I don't know...maybe everyone acts this way when they like someone

wow, I haven't updated in a long time...hmm...must try to update at least once a week...not that anybody actually reads my xanga...oh well, i guess this is all for self-entertainment....

many things have happened in the past approx. 3 months...I think it's going to take a while to go over every single one of them so i'll make it short: It was fun, sad, angry, happy, weird, awkward, and joyful. Very vague, no? : P

Ah~~!! XD Costa Rica Trip!!!! and I get to miss 3 days of school!~~~ actually, I'm not sure that's good thing...but I don't like school, so it is a good thing XD

Muahaha, I'll take pictures of monkeys and pose with them!!

and I'll try to bring as many souvenirs as I can!!

Tropical Island, here I come!!

p.s. I noticed that my xanga still says Summer '04...haha, wow, I'm so caught up in the past :D

actually, I don't know how to change what it says, since I didn't make this layout...hmm...i should get a new one...any ideas?

p.s.s. ended up getting a new one without anyone's suggestions -_-a

ahem~~

hello people of earth~, i have decided to fill your puny brains with my sophisticated thoughts........(yeah, right)

hahaha, i'm a dorky nerd...nerdy dork..yes, i know....:P

Kris, i did not rape your site like crazy,i've just looked through your post because i was curious like i said before. raping would be touching without consent, but if you didn't want to be 'touched' or rather if you didn't want people to read your posts, why do you have xanga? so let us never again use the word 'rape' in my xanga, nor in your xanga, for that matter, since i detest the word very much. and out of curiosity, how did you know that i went through your entries?

anyways....i guess the whole point of this post was to explain to kris that i did not read his xanga without his consent. this post is for you, kris

well, good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite

I am an old, scary, and ugly Grade 11

heh...school starts...yet again!...(sigh)...confined in classrooms full of desks with teachers breathing down our necks and no time to day dream...well..i guess i should try to be more positive...let me phrase that again....singing and frolicking to and from classes along with teachers and fellow students, listening to the beautiful melodies and rhythms of the lectures, enjoying every minute of each class, breathing in the fresh smell of old textbooks, and having a great ambition to study and learn....hmm...yes, that's more like it (......not...)   -_-a;;...right now, all i'm thinking is 'am i going to be able to survive this year?'...well...i guess that's the million-dollar question....

just today, at lunch, i scared off a small, innocent, and naive grade 8........he was at one of the tables in the gallery, and i asked him if he minded us sitting with him, and he just gave me the smiling-on-the-outside-but-actually-terrified-on-the-inside-and-extremely-nervous-and-want-to-run-away smile and said 'it's okay, it's okay' and just left.......i mean...is 'do you mind if i sit with you?' scary???...i didn't say 'yo, grade 8, get the hell out of here before i kick your a**!!'...or...did i make a scary face expression unconsciously?....i'm pretty sure i was smiling....or maybe it looked like one of those fake smiles....arrggh!!!he didn't even listen to what i said!!!....but then again, i kind of just sat there and didn't know that someone was sitting there until i saw the cup of french fries and a bag on the table...and then he came....and i did force it, didn't i?...wow...i'm just getting more mean and evil these days.....i should take...lessons....on being nice...

so, yeah, it was a GRRRRREEEEAAAAAAAAATTT second day!!!! wow!!! i just can't wait for tomorrow!!!

toodle-doo~~~~~~.............ok, that was just freaky...i never say 'toodle-doo'...why did i say that?...seriously....i need to get some self-restricting skills.....ook...have a great night!